guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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