I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
