my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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