I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
