the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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