Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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