I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
