I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
