He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
