He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
