Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
