do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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