her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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