just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
