mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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