someone threw a dead crab at me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
