Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
