I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
