Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
