I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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