He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
