im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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