I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Randomize
