She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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