i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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