the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
