I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
