I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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