Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
