the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
