I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
