I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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