A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
