I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
