when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
