if i can run in heels then i can drive
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
