Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.