so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
