I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I puked a lego.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
