Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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