I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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