she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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