Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
