I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
