I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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