Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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