ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
