whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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