1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
