I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
