Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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