It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
