forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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