For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
