I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
