cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
