She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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