pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
