I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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