I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
