She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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