first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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