The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
