too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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