I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
