he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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