i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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