If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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