I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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