I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
