do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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