We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
