her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
