I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
