ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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