So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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