just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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