I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
