She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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