We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
