I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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