So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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