I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
