I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
