i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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