I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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