I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
