Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
