i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
